Merry Christmas to you all

1980's Christmas photo.

Bit of a dodgy beard there, Santa!

Christmas Quotes

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Dave Barry

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Johnny Carson

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Bernard Manning

There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas.
Robert Wilson Lynd

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
Shirley Temple

Christmas Tree Soaps

Happy New Year everyone.   See you next year!



Related to Murphy's Law

1. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
2. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
3. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. 
4. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
5. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
6. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

Losing Weight

I wondered why my clothes weren't fitting properly lately.  Turns out I've gained 3kg in the last couple of months!   Guess I need to take this advice.

The Irish Genius

Paddy wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little maths test. 

    "Here is your first question", the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

    "Without numbers?" Paddy says? "Dat's easy." And proceeds to draw three trees.

    "What's this?" the boss asks.

    "Have you no brain? Tree and tree plus tree makes 9" says Paddy.

    "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

Paddy stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree.

    "Ere ye go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

    "Each of them trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire Paddy, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

Paddy stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere ye go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

Paddy leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and whispers, "A little dog came along and pooped by each tree.
So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes ONE HUNDRED!"

Paddy is the new supervisor.


Visitor in our garden

This friendly froggie was found by my husband in our back yard recently.

Disappearing words & expressions

1. Best bib & tucker - best "going out" clothes.
2. Bob - as in shilling, as in 10cents.
3. Courting, stepping out, going steady.
4. Let's have a dekko - let's see.
5. Radiogram - forerunner to the stereo player.

More inflation

I recently found a receipt from my parent's honeymoon in 1945.   They spent a week at Jacoby House in Mundaring, and it cost them 6 guineas - $12.60!


Petrol bowser

Although this is a recent photo, (taken by my son) the bowser is probably from about the same

 era as my parent's honeymoon.

Neck exercises for computer users

Spending too much time using a computer can cause neck strain, so these exercises should be done every 60 minutes to help avoid problems.

Definitions

• Cannibal - someone who is fed up with people.
• Adult - a person who has stopped growing at both ends, and is now growing in the middle.
• Dust - mud with the juice squeezed out.
• Secret - something you tell to one person at a time.
• Tomorrow - one of the great labour saving devices of today.
• Wrinkles - something other people have, similar to my character lines.
• Chickens - the only animal you can eat before they're born, and after they're dead.

Soap Lady

This woman actually turned into soap after she was dead & buried!

You know you're getting old when you feel like the day after the night before and you haven't even been anywhere.     Milton Berle



Inflation

I've been looking through some old papers recently, and I found out that in September 1999, gold was $US268.75/oz, and oil was $24.81 a barrel.  Tonight on the news they were $1663.64 and $85.98.  


Success

I guess this could also apply to the oil and gold prices - not exactly a smooth ride up.

Y2K

Remember the millenium bug?   What a worry that was at the time.  People were told their washing machines, clocks, computers, cars, anything with electrics, might not work after January 1, 2000, because of some perceived problem with the date change to a new millenium.  (Personally, I believe 2000 was the final year of the previous millenium).   While looking through my old papers, I also found a leaflet from the Denmark Shire (in Western Australia) advising people how to cope if the worst happened - whatever that might have been.   Here is a section of the leaflet:

"Chaos, or opportunity?
The Millennium Bug, or 'Y2K', may affect more than computers and business - there could be widespread disruptions to the provision of goods and services.
No-one knows how serious the problems may be, or how long they may last, but preparations we make now, as a community and as individuals, will help to minimise any disruptions and their effects on Denmark.
This problem has never happened before, so only two things are certain:

January 1, 2000 will come
                and
We're all in it together!"



Royal Show 50 years ago

My sister, brother and myself at the Perth Royal Show, 1951

I think the last time I went to the Show was 1983.

Every year I tell myself I'll go next year, but then I see the crowds there on TV,

and have second thoughts!



Some interesting questions

1. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
2. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
3. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
4. Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
5. Why did you just try singing the two songs above?  

Some of my "cakes of soap"

I made these around 2 years ago, and my son still has one sitting on his windowsill!

He says it's too nice to use as soap.  

A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

Grumpy Old Lady (that's me!)

I've just returned home from a trip down town, and I'm frazzled!   A lot of drivers, especially those towing caravans, tootle along 20 or 30kms slower than the speed limit, then when we get to a safe passing area, they put their foot down.  Grrrrr!!!


To soap or not to soap?

According to this information, we should not be using soap on our skin, because it strips the natural oil from it.  This is true, if you're using commercial soaps.  I used to have a bad rash on my lower legs, and needed to use moisturiser on them every day.   But I have been using my own home made soaps for 12 years now, and haven't had a rash in all that time.  Commercial soaps have the glycerine stripped out of them, but home made soaps still have it in.  Also, if you make your own soaps, you can use extra fats or oils to make them less drying. 

I agree, unless you're a mechanic, gardener, or grubby little kid, you really don't need to use soap.  But there's something luxurious about the feel of a rich, creamy personally created bar of soap, so I'll be lathering up for a long time to come.

Here are some of my fancy "cute as a button" soaps.

Politically incorrect jokes

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started... 

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

The importance of walking

Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home

at $4,000 per month.

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old and we have no idea where the hell he is.

I like long walks,especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing...
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
  The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say,

'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'

We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Watermelon carving

What a shame to go to all that trouble for just a few hours.

Thank goodness for photography!

"A cage is a cage, even if the bars are gold."

Indian poet Vallathol Narayana Menon

 

Remembering September 11, 2001

Do you remember where you were when you heard about the twin towers being hit?   I was watching "Rove", they'd just gone to an ad, and said they were previewing a movie after the ad.   When the footage of the tower smoking came on, I thought it was from the movie.   Then a plane flew into the other tower, and there was an announcement about what was happening.  It gave me goosebumps, thinking about what was happening, and that I was actually seeing it as it happened!

Germs

I remember when my daughter was small, we bought her an icecream from Mr Whippy.  She took one lick, then held it down for her dog to have a lick.  She was quite happy to share with him, but Mr Whippy must have thought that wasn't a good thing, because he gave her another icecream for free! 

She certainly was a little cutie!

More classy autographs

A little birdie, flying high

   dropped his message from the sky

As I wiped it from my eye

   I thanked the Lord that cows don't fly.

Little fly upon the wall

Ain't you got no clothes at all?

Ain't you got a blouse and skirt?

Ain't you got a shimmy shirt?

Ain't you cold?



Some more of my soaps

I like to experiment with my soap making, so here are a few of my "cakes" of soap.

Quotes on old age

• "Birthdays are good for you.  Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest".       Larry Lorenzoni
• "When friends pressed her to have a walking stick, Princess Alice reluctantly agreed, but she had it disguised as an umbrella".       R.W. Apple
• "Growing old is something you do if you're lucky".   Groucho Marx
• "There are three signs of old age: loss of memory . . . I forget the other two".    Red Skelton
• "You know you're getting old when you feel like the morning after the night before, and you haven't even been anywhere".   Milton Berle

Golden Orb spider

This is my friend Goldie, who lived in my front garden for most of last summer.  Even with all the birds we have around here, she managed to survive until some teenage relatives visited, and decided to kill her.  They didn't understand some people don't think of all spiders as "bad".

Nothing is eternal, not even problems.



Edible playdough

I found this recipe on the internet about 10 years ago.  I have never tried it, because it looks kind of "icky".  Imagine the sticky mess all over the kids and table.
1 cup peanut butter
1 cup honey
2 cups powdered milk
Mix together and add more powdered milk
  if necessary to make a firm dough. 
It's safe to eat, and doesn't harden.

It may be safe to eat, but I reckon there'd be a few belly aches it they ate too much of it.


Quotes about women

• "I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me".    Sigmund Freud
• "My wife and I were happy for twenty years.  Then we met".    Henny Youngman
• "You know what I did before I was married?  Anything I wanted to".   Anon
• "There's a way of transferring funds that even faster than electronic banking.  It's called marriage".   Sam Kinison
• "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.  We take time to go to a restaurant twice a week for a candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing.  She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays".  Anon

This photo of my grandparents is probably over 80 years old.

I have no idea why she's on the bike, and he's in the sidecar!

Home delivery

When my two youngest children were preschoolers, I used to earn some extra cash by delivering pamphlets while pushing the kiddies in their stroller.   One morning my daughter asked "Can we deliver pikelets today, Mum?"



Such a little cutie - love the hairdo

Safety first

When my son was four years old, he was interested in cars.  He knew our windscreen was safe from rock hits because it had been "lemonaded".

Here he is helping to paint the walls of the cubby house.

Most people refuse to face the face that play is just as exhausting as work.



Asher & Daniel

This is the view I had as I backed out of the driveway after visiting my grandsons.

Charming little chaps, aren't they!

Some questions for you

1. How happy is Larry?
2. How high is a kite?
3. How thick are two short planks?
4. And just how many sandwiches are there in a picnic?

An "olden days" recipe

And very healthy it is, too!

Coffee Marshmallow
14 marshmallows
Cup hot strong black coffee
1 pint whipped cream

Melt marshmallows in coffee.  When cold, fold in cream.  Place in refrigerator until cold.

Sounds yummy.  I might have to make this sooner rather than later.

A stereotypical seagull

This chip-eating seagull was walking down the footpath in front of me when I was in Denmark recently.   I managed to get out my camera and get this shot of him at a perfect angle. 

Quotes re old age

"Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese".   Billie Burke

"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?"    Satchel Paige

"It is better to be 70 years young than 40 years old".    Oliver Wendell Holmes

And finally, for those of you with a musical bent . . . .

. . . a metro-gnome

If you have integrity, nothing else matters.  I you don't have integrity, nothing else matters. 

Finger chopped or photoshopped?

This photo is from a website called "fropki".

There are hundreds of funny photos and cartoons to check out.

http://www.fropki.com/funny-pics-vf47.html

Did you know?

• Formosa is Chinese for "the beautiful"
• During WW1, the German army's uniforms were made of 85% nettle fibre.   http://www.dryit.com/nettles.html
• The coldest temperature recorded on Earth was -89c (129F) at Vostock, Antarctica on July 21, 1983.  http://www.livescience.com/9795-story-earth-coldest-temperature.html
• The hottest temperature recorded on Earth was 57.8c (136F) at El Azizia, Libya on September 13, 1922.  http://www.extremescience.com/zoom/index.php/extreme-weather/22-extreme-weather/63-hottest-place-on-earth

This is what happens to sweetcorn when it's really hot outside.
http://lolzombie.com/2427/hot-popcorn/


Another couple of my "published works"

I don't think my daughter's boyfriend, who is from Victoria, realised how big West Australia is.  When they were travelling from Melbourne to Perth, he breathed a sigh of relief when they reached the SA/WA border.  His comment was "Thank goodness we're nearly there!"

My husband and I had been to see a movie at the drive-in with our six kids in our station wagon.  When we arrived home, we picked up the baby and headed inside, leaving the older kids to come in by themselves.  When my husband went out to lock the car, he found five-year-old Jamie asleep in the back of the wagon.  Our self-esteem as good parents was certainly dented for a while after that!


An Olden Days recipe

Melting Moments
6 ozs flour
6 ozs butter melted (not marg.)
2 ozs corn flour
2 ozs icing sugar

Mix all well together, form into balls, place on baking tray and press down with a fork.  Bake in a slow oven for 20 minutes.  
Not the healthiest snack, but very yummy melt-in-your-mouth bikkies.

My gemstone soaps

Simple to make, but time consuming, the end result was worth it.

Last, but not least, something for those who have never known life without computers.



Nothing is eternal, not even problems.

My Dad

This photo was taken over 85 years ago.   My Dad is listening to a crystal set.  He's always loved music, and worked as a musician for many years in dance bands, and a symphony orchestra, playing the flute. 

Quotes

1. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.   anon
2. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.   anon
3. One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.                          Plato  348BC
4. Airplanes are interesting toys, but will be of no military value.  General Ferdinand Foch, before WW1

Short Short

The Deception

Samantha moved quietly and cautiously into the room.  If she was caught, the deception would be over, and he'd never trust anything she said again.  She gingerly felt for the small object, careful not to disturb the sleeping David.  As her fingers touched her target, she removed it deftly, and replaced it with the cash.  Creeping quietly back out of the room, she silently cursed whoever it was who invented the tooth fairy.

 Cooking Hints from "The Olden Days"

• Lettuces will keep fresh for several days if placed in a tin billy with the lid on.
• The antidote for too much salt is brown sugar.
• A teaspoon of coffee essence added to a fruit cake darkens the cake, and improves the flavour.
• Prunes are much improved by adding a few cloves and a little lemon juice.
• If milk is on the turn it can often be saved by adding a pinch of bicarb. soda; bring it rapidly to the boil.  Do not use an aliminium saucepan.

Another of my published letters

When my son bought a used car from one of his teachers, the fuel gauge was working backwards - it showed E when it was full, and F when it was empty.  The teacher, being an intelligent and also inventive man, told my son that the E was for 'enough', and the F was for 'finished'.  Pretty smart, I thought.

Close up and personal

When I bought my digital camera, I specifically wanted something with a good macro function.   I've always liked looking at closeup photos of plants and insects, and wanted to take some personal photos of my own.

I think this moth is a good example of what I was looking for, and I was very pleased with the way it turned out.

Don't wait!!   Procrastinate Now!

Two of the locals

I spotted these two while I was driving a couple of blocks from home.   They actually stayed there looking at me while I stopped the car, fished around in my bag for my camera, and took the photo.

Perfect Hug Recipe

Ingredients:
2 people            A touch of love
4 arms               A pinch of humour
2 hearts             A sprinkle of glee

Directions:
Extend arms and wrap them around each other.
Clear your minds, take a good look at each other, then pull yourselves together and mix well.
Serves two.

More funny headlines

• "Local High School cuts dropouts in half"
• "Cold wave linked to temperatures"
• "Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers"
• "Red tape holds up new bridges"
• "Dealers will hear new car talk at noon"

True story

We've all heard of the "nesting instinct" mother's have before the birth of a baby, but I had personal experience with this from the father's point of view.  The week before our second child was born, my husband gave his precious Studebaker car a thorough clean out, even taking out the seats and carpet to wash them, along with the floor.  The following week our daughter was born - in the car!


Men are like:

1. Laxatives.....they irritate the crap out of you.
2. Weather......nothing can be done to change them.
3. Blenders......you need one, but you're not sure why.
4. Government Bonds.....they take sooooo long to mature.
5. Mascara......they usually run at the first sign of emotion.
6. Lava lamps...fun to look at, but not very bright.

Did you know?

Bone china is made with actual bone as an ingredient.

The term "to boycott" something or someone comes from the first person it was done to - Captain Charles Boycott, of County Mayo in Ireland.

The Patron Saint of musicians is Saint Cecilia.

Nepal is the only country with a national flag that looks like two pennants.

If you multiply 111,111,111 by 111,111,111 you get 12,345,678,987,654,321

Tired Pusscat

Poor Pusscat got tired from reading, and fell asleep.

Chaos is the natural order of things.

Danger in my yard!

Being a nature buff, I was checking out this nest a bit too closely, when one of the inhabitants flew at me, and stung my thumb - twice!  I reckon it was the one that's looking at me towards the left.  It was scary, because at the time, I didn't know what these things were, and the sting was unlike anything I've ever felt.  I raced inside and took TWO antihistamines (didn't want to take any chances).  Then I had a shower, and put clean clothes on, in case I had to rush to the doctor.  (Yes, I AM a panic merchant from way back).  I did survive, with only a slight pink mark around the two sting holes in my thumb, but I'm very wary now when I go near these nests.

Two quotes from Richard Bach

"You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true.  You may have to work for it, however."

"Isn't it strange how much we know, if only we ask ourselves instead of somebody else?"

Short short

Torture

As the knife cut through the flesh, blood began oozing out.  He hadn't been expecting it, and although he didn't want to see what was happening, he couldn't look away.  He felt the nausea rising.  This was completely unexpected.  How could she do this to him?  Surely she know what he was feeling.

"Don't worry, Ben," she said, with a smile on her face as she cut into the flesh yet again.  "I'm doing this for Malcolm".

Malcolm, his best mate.  His non-vegetarian, dead animal eating mate, who liked nothing better than a big barbecued, blood oozing steak. 

Nonsense poems

I saw Peter Rowsthorn on tv one day, reciting a couple of poems.  They tickled my fancy, so I wrote them down, and here they are for you.   Thanks Peter, you're  a great poet!!

Thanks for laying the carpet, Dad

Thanks for showing us how.

But what's that lump in the middle, Dad?

And why is it going "miaow"?

Hello little pussy

Chewing on a bone

I really wish you'd eat some fish

And leave my leg alone.

Some more of my soaps

Citrus cheesecake slice.  Yes, they really are soaps.

Drink coffee - Do stupid thing faster and with more energy.

Learning to drive

This is what my then boyfriend's car looked like the first day he taught me to drive!  We'd just come back from the police station where we organised my learner's permit.   I turned into his driveway, and didn't straighten up in time.
The fence didn't look too good, either.

I didn't learn to drive at that time in my life, not because I knocked down his family's fence, but because shortly after I got my permit, my boyfriend bought himself an MG sports car.  If you're 5ft2in, (156cm), and you've ever tried to drive an MG sportscar, you'll understand why I didn't continue my driving lessons.
I eventually learned in a Datsun 180b, taught by a friend.

Recipe

Mum's Russian toffee
1kg white sugar
1 cup water
125g butter (not margarine)
1 tin condensed milk

Boil all together about 30 minutes, stirring all the while to prevent burning.  Pour into a greased tray.  Cut into squares before completely set.

Did you know?

Dizzy Gillespie liked the way his trumpet sounded after he dropped it, so he kept it bent that way from then on.

An orchidometer is an instrument to measure the size of testicles.

Midori is the Japanese word for green.  Midori the drink was invented in Japan.

Cyanide was named after the colour cyan, which means blue. 


Words from my Grandma

When asked "Why", she would reply "Because y's a crooked letter, and can't be straightened".

When asked how old she was, "As old as my tongue, and a little bit older than my teeth".

Watching TV

Yes, he is a male cat!

Common sense is in spite of, not the result of, education.  Victor Hugo

The Jam Jar and Coffee

A professor stood before his class, picked up a large jam jar, and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.  He then asked the students if the jar was full.  They said it was.
Then the professor picked up a box of pebbles, poured them into the jar, and shook the jar gently.  The pebbles rolled into the open spaces between the golf balls.  He asked again if the students thought the jar was full.  Again they said it was.
Next the professor emptied a box of sand into the jar.  Of course, the sand filled up all the empty spaces, and the students all agreed that it was now definitely full.
When the professor poured 2 cups of coffe into the jar, wetting the sand, and not overflowing, the students laughed.
The professor then explained the meaning of the jam jar.
"The golf balls are the important things - your family, your health, your friends, your favourite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car.
"The sand is everything else - the small stuff.  If you put the sand in first, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.  The same goes for life.  If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you."
One of the students raised her hand, and enquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled.  "I'm glad you asked.  It just goes to show that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Progress

Progress has it's drawbacks.  You can't warm your feet on a microwave oven!

More effort is put into helping people reach old age than into helping them enjoy it when they get there.

I have no idea what this tree is, and I've only ever seen it once.

It's growing at the Nornalup Teahouse in Western Australia. 

This is another view of the Nornalup flowers

Some more of my "published works"

Master eight was playing with globes and batteries, and apparently decided the power point would lend assistance.  He received quite a shock.  After he'd calmed down, I asked him what the shock had felt like.  He replied:  "I felt just like a crinkle-cut chip".

When my teenage daughter asked me to cut a couple of centimetres off her hair, my son said with concern:  "You'd better be careful.  Mum's not metric".

My husband was planning to watch a movie on his small TV.  When he found out the movie was in black and white, he decided against it - even though his TV set was not colour.

Some people hear voices.  Some see invisible people.

Others have no imagination whatsoever.

Mother's Day

Kids say the darndest things.  Here are a few comments from kids about their mothers.

God made mums because they're the only ones who know where
 the sticky tape is.
God made mothers with magic, plus super powers, and a lot of stirring.
Mothers are made out of clouds and angel hair, and everything nice in the world, and one dab of mean.
What kind of little girl was your Mum?    They say she used to be nice.
Mum's the boss at our house, because she has a lot more to do than Dad.
My Mum is perfect on the inside, but outside, she could do with some kind of plastic surgery.
One thing I would change about my Mum is, she has this weird thing about keeping my room clean.  I'd get rid of that.

Me with my Mum, many years ago.

Recycling

Recycled milk containers can be made into plant pots, buckets, pegs and carpet.
To make one tonne of paper, 17 trees have to be cut down.
Recycling a pile of newspapers one metre high saves one tree.
One AA battery can contaminate one cubic metre of land.

Another one of my poems

Many years ago, I decided to do a correspondence course in maths.  I over estimated my ability, so sadly I had to give up the course.  This is the message I sent to the tutor when I resigned.

Resignation
Thankyou for your patience, for trying to explain.
I've tried to solve your problems, and tried them all again.
(I've over estimated the powers of my brain)

I though that I could handle the algebra and such
But when I tried to conquer, I found they were too much.
There is no practical use for mathmatics in my life
So really they are just not worth the trouble and the strife.

I guess I'm not maths-minded, it really isn't me
I'll never be a genius flogging Cadbury's on TV.
I'll have to give in sadly, I must admit defeat
and try an easier subject, one my brain can beat.
                                                  Suzanne Brenzi


Interesting comments

1. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were!
2. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember the Fire Department uses water.
3. Light travels faster than sound.  This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
5. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Did you know?

• Panama hats originated in Ecuador.
• Indian ink originated in China.
• The Roman goddess of sorcery and witchcraft was called Trivia.
• The words orange, silver and month have no rhymes in the English language.
• Paul McCartney's younger brother Peter, known as Mike McGear, was a member of the band The Scaffold, of Lily the Pink fame. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scaffold  

Another one of my soaps

There is no way to peace, peace IS the way

Happy Easter

 The little girl on the left seems to have missed out.  I hope we shared with her.

That's me second from left, with my sister and brother, and our eggless cousin.

Some handy hints

These are taken from the Laurel Recipe Book and Household Guide, as shown in a previous post.

1. Ink stains can be removed from linen by covering with freshly-mixed mustard.  Should be left an hour then sponged out.
2. To brighten a rusted needle, push in and out of a piece of sandsoap.
3. When pram tyres wear, take them off and replace inside out.
4. Flat irons will get hotter quicker, and retain their heat longer if covered while on the stove with an inverted baking or biscuit tin.   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_(appliance)#History_of_flat_iron
5. The small brown sponges frequently found on sea beaches make effective pot cleaners for the kitchen.  Being rough in texture they remove scraps but do not scratch the surface of the pots.

Housewife's Lament

The sink is piled high full of dishes

   The rubbish bin's filled to the top

The basket is full in the laundry

   The floor needs much more than a mop

The breadbox is empty;  the ashtrays are full

   You could all sign your names in the dust

The bathroom's a mess; the kids have missed school

   (We slept in and were late for the bus)

There are toys clothes and papers all over

  How does just one family mess it?

What does a housewife do all day long?

   I decided today not to do it?

                                                by  Suzanne Brenzi

Quotes

The main advantage of being famous is when you bore people at dinner parties, they think it's their fault.

         Henry Kissinger   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Kissinger

If you can't be a good example, then you will just have to be a horrible warning.

       Catherine Aird   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catherine_Aird

No woman in my time will be Prime Minister or Foreign Secretary.

     Margaret Thatcher  1974  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Margaret_Thatcher

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

      W.C. Fields    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/W._C._Fields

Did you know?

There are ten human body parts that are only three letters long:-  eye, hip, arm, leg, ear, toe, jaw, rib, lip and gum.

Another one of my creative ventures.

The biscuits and coffee are all soap.

 Faith can move mountains,

 but you have to keep pushing while you pray.