Wednesday, 28 September 2011

Grumpy Old Lady (that's me!)

I've just returned home from a trip down town, and I'm frazzled!   A lot of drivers, especially those towing caravans, tootle along 20 or 30kms slower than the speed limit, then when we get to a safe passing area, they put their foot down.  Grrrrr!!!

To soap or not to soap?

According to this information, we should not be using soap on our skin, because it strips the natural oil from it.  This is true, if you're using commercial soaps.  I used to have a bad rash on my lower legs, and needed to use moisturiser on them every day.   But I have been using my own home made soaps for 12 years now, and haven't had a rash in all that time.  Commercial soaps have the glycerine stripped out of them, but home made soaps still have it in.  Also, if you make your own soaps, you can use extra fats or oils to make them less drying. 
I agree, unless you're a mechanic, gardener, or grubby little kid, you really don't need to use soap.  But there's something luxurious about the feel of a rich, creamy personally created bar of soap, so I'll be lathering up for a long time to come.

Here are some of my fancy "cute as a button" soaps.

Politically incorrect jokes

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started... 

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

The importance of walking

Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home
at $4,000 per month.

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old and we have no idea where the hell he is.

I like long walks,especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing...
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'

We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Watermelon carving

What a shame to go to all that trouble for just a few hours.
Thank goodness for photography!

"A cage is a cage, even if the bars are gold."
Indian poet Vallathol Narayana Menon


Saturday, 10 September 2011

Remembering September 11, 2001

Do you remember where you were when you heard about the twin towers being hit?   I was watching "Rove", they'd just gone to an ad, and said they were previewing a movie after the ad.   When the footage of the tower smoking came on, I thought it was from the movie.   Then a plane flew into the other tower, and there was an announcement about what was happening.  It gave me goosebumps, thinking about what was happening, and that I was actually seeing it as it happened!


I remember when my daughter was small, we bought her an icecream from Mr Whippy.  She took one lick, then held it down for her dog to have a lick.  She was quite happy to share with him, but Mr Whippy must have thought that wasn't a good thing, because he gave her another icecream for free! 

She certainly was a little cutie!

More classy autographs

A little birdie, flying high
   dropped his message from the sky
As I wiped it from my eye
   I thanked the Lord that cows don't fly.

Little fly upon the wall
Ain't you got no clothes at all?
Ain't you got a blouse and skirt?
Ain't you got a shimmy shirt?
Ain't you cold?

Some more of my soaps

I like to experiment with my soap making, so here are a few of my "cakes" of soap.

Quotes on old age

  • "Birthdays are good for you.  Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest".       Larry Lorenzoni
  • "When friends pressed her to have a walking stick, Princess Alice reluctantly agreed, but she had it disguised as an umbrella".       R.W. Apple
  • "Growing old is something you do if you're lucky".   Groucho Marx
  • "There are three signs of old age: loss of memory . . . I forget the other two".    Red Skelton
  • "You know you're getting old when you feel like the morning after the night before, and you haven't even been anywhere".   Milton Berle

Golden Orb spider

This is my friend Goldie, who lived in my front garden for most of last summer.  Even with all the birds we have around here, she managed to survive until some teenage relatives visited, and decided to kill her.  They didn't understand some people don't think of all spiders as "bad".

Nothing is eternal, not even problems.

Saturday, 3 September 2011

Edible playdough

I found this recipe on the internet about 10 years ago.  I have never tried it, because it looks kind of "icky".  Imagine the sticky mess all over the kids and table.
1 cup peanut butter
1 cup honey
2 cups powdered milk
Mix together and add more powdered milk
  if necessary to make a firm dough. 
It's safe to eat, and doesn't harden.

It may be safe to eat, but I reckon there'd be a few belly aches it they ate too much of it.

Quotes about women
  • "I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me".    Sigmund Freud
  • "My wife and I were happy for twenty years.  Then we met".    Henny Youngman
  • "You know what I did before I was married?  Anything I wanted to".   Anon
  • "There's a way of transferring funds that even faster than electronic banking.  It's called marriage".   Sam Kinison
  • "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.  We take time to go to a restaurant twice a week for a candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing.  She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays".  Anon

This photo of my grandparents is probably over 80 years old.
I have no idea why she's on the bike, and he's in the sidecar!

Home delivery

When my two youngest children were preschoolers, I used to earn some extra cash by delivering pamphlets while pushing the kiddies in their stroller.   One morning my daughter asked "Can we deliver pikelets today, Mum?"

Such a little cutie - love the hairdo

Safety first

When my son was four years old, he was interested in cars.  He knew our windscreen was safe from rock hits because it had been "lemonaded".

Here he is helping to paint the walls of the cubby house.

Most people refuse to face the face that play is just as exhausting as work.