Tuesday, 29 March 2011

TV Soapie Weddings

You know you're at a soap opera wedding when . . . .
  • It takes place on a yacht, and no-one gets seasick
  • The groom gets poisoned
  • The bride is kidnapped or arrested just before she walks down the aisle
  • The uncle of the groom flies everybody in the wedding party, and all the guests, to Greece, because he wants to see his nephew married in the family cathedral
  • It is the 3rd, 4th, 5th, etc. marriage for both, but only their 2nd to each other
  • Neither the bride nor groom has a job to return to after the wedding, but they do have a friend who lends them a private jet for a honeymoon in the Orient
Friendship is like a silver teapot.  Sometimes it's put away longer than we realize, and it becomes tarnished.  But when we polish it, it is still like new.

"Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it".             Ginger Meggs
"Political systems have much more frequently been overthrown by their own corruption and decay than by external forces".            Robert Menzies  1942
And another one from Mark Twain
"A banker is a man who lends his umbrella when the sun is shining, and wants it back the minute it begins to rain"

From an email
"When I was at the party" said Betty, aged just four,
"A little girl fell off her chair and landed on the floor;
   and all the other little girls began to laugh but me -
I didn't laugh a single bit," said Betty seriously.

"Why not?" her mother asked her, full of delight to find
   that Betty, bless her little heart  had been so sweetly kind.
"Why didn't you laugh, my darling? Or don't you like to tell?"
"I didn't laugh" said Betty, "'cause it was me that fell".

Short shorts
Several years ago, I used to read a magazine which had 60 word stories sent in by readers.  I thought it was a great idea.  I was planning to write dozens of these simple little stories, with up to 100 words, and have them published in a book, which I would have titled "Short Shorts".   I managed to think up a dozen of them, and that was it!  So now that I've unearthed them from where they've been hiding, they're blog fodder.  Here's the first one:-
The old man's frail hands shook as he lit another match.  He had never in his entire life considered that he would one day be doing this.  As the match in his trembling hand touched the wick, he smiled as words like "conflagration" and "arson" came to mind.  Although he was worried about the heat from the flames, he couldn't help feeling pleased with himself.  Who would have thought he would see this day, celebrating his ninetieth birthday.

God made wrinkles to show where our smiles have been.

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