There are two politicians drowning and you are allowed to save one. What would you do - read a newspaper, or eat your lunch?
When the horse he'd bet on finished last, the angry punter said to the jockey "Couldn't you go any faster?" to which the jockey replied "Yes, but I have to stay with the horse".
Did you know dolphins are more intelligent than humans? They can train a man to come to the edge of their pool every day and throw fish for them.
A man in the audience of a ventriloquist show in a country town stood up and yelled angrily "You've been making rude remarks about country people all night. We're not stupid, and I'm sick of listening to you".
"Relax, they're just jokes" replied the ventriloquist.
"I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to the ignoramus on your knee", the man shouted back.
A wee story
Employees with a British heritage charity are being asked to help the environment by relieving themselves outdoors. The experiment applies to male gardeners at Wimpole Hall, a stately home about 80km north of London. The National Trust, which runs the property, said staff were encouraged to urinate on straw, which was then placed on compost heaps. Officials warned the gardeners to urinate where they couldn't be seen by other people.
The word sincere literally means "without wax", from the practice of filling chips in marble statues with wax. Statues without wax were "sin cere"- meaning genuine/original.
Chewing gum is made from synthetic rubber, vinyl resin, waxes and plastic!
The Americans worked for ages to make pens that would work in space with no gravity. The Russians just used pencils!
A couple of pics for computer users
They'd both be handy at times.