Related to Murphy's Law

1. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
2. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
3. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. 
4. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
5. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
6. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

Losing Weight

I wondered why my clothes weren't fitting properly lately.  Turns out I've gained 3kg in the last couple of months!   Guess I need to take this advice.

The Irish Genius

Paddy wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little maths test. 

    "Here is your first question", the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

    "Without numbers?" Paddy says? "Dat's easy." And proceeds to draw three trees.

    "What's this?" the boss asks.

    "Have you no brain? Tree and tree plus tree makes 9" says Paddy.

    "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

Paddy stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree.

    "Ere ye go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

    "Each of them trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire Paddy, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

Paddy stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere ye go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

Paddy leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and whispers, "A little dog came along and pooped by each tree.
So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes ONE HUNDRED!"

Paddy is the new supervisor.


Visitor in our garden

This friendly froggie was found by my husband in our back yard recently.

Disappearing words & expressions

1. Best bib & tucker - best "going out" clothes.
2. Bob - as in shilling, as in 10cents.
3. Courting, stepping out, going steady.
4. Let's have a dekko - let's see.
5. Radiogram - forerunner to the stereo player.

More inflation

I recently found a receipt from my parent's honeymoon in 1945.   They spent a week at Jacoby House in Mundaring, and it cost them 6 guineas - $12.60!


Petrol bowser

Although this is a recent photo, (taken by my son) the bowser is probably from about the same

 era as my parent's honeymoon.

Neck exercises for computer users

Spending too much time using a computer can cause neck strain, so these exercises should be done every 60 minutes to help avoid problems.

Definitions

• Cannibal - someone who is fed up with people.
• Adult - a person who has stopped growing at both ends, and is now growing in the middle.
• Dust - mud with the juice squeezed out.
• Secret - something you tell to one person at a time.
• Tomorrow - one of the great labour saving devices of today.
• Wrinkles - something other people have, similar to my character lines.
• Chickens - the only animal you can eat before they're born, and after they're dead.

Soap Lady

This woman actually turned into soap after she was dead & buried!

You know you're getting old when you feel like the day after the night before and you haven't even been anywhere.     Milton Berle



Inflation

I've been looking through some old papers recently, and I found out that in September 1999, gold was $US268.75/oz, and oil was $24.81 a barrel.  Tonight on the news they were $1663.64 and $85.98.  


Success

I guess this could also apply to the oil and gold prices - not exactly a smooth ride up.

Y2K

Remember the millenium bug?   What a worry that was at the time.  People were told their washing machines, clocks, computers, cars, anything with electrics, might not work after January 1, 2000, because of some perceived problem with the date change to a new millenium.  (Personally, I believe 2000 was the final year of the previous millenium).   While looking through my old papers, I also found a leaflet from the Denmark Shire (in Western Australia) advising people how to cope if the worst happened - whatever that might have been.   Here is a section of the leaflet:

"Chaos, or opportunity?
The Millennium Bug, or 'Y2K', may affect more than computers and business - there could be widespread disruptions to the provision of goods and services.
No-one knows how serious the problems may be, or how long they may last, but preparations we make now, as a community and as individuals, will help to minimise any disruptions and their effects on Denmark.
This problem has never happened before, so only two things are certain:

January 1, 2000 will come
                and
We're all in it together!"



Royal Show 50 years ago

My sister, brother and myself at the Perth Royal Show, 1951

I think the last time I went to the Show was 1983.

Every year I tell myself I'll go next year, but then I see the crowds there on TV,

and have second thoughts!



Some interesting questions

1. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
2. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
3. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
4. Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
5. Why did you just try singing the two songs above?  

Some of my "cakes of soap"

I made these around 2 years ago, and my son still has one sitting on his windowsill!

He says it's too nice to use as soap.  

A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

Grumpy Old Lady (that's me!)

I've just returned home from a trip down town, and I'm frazzled!   A lot of drivers, especially those towing caravans, tootle along 20 or 30kms slower than the speed limit, then when we get to a safe passing area, they put their foot down.  Grrrrr!!!


To soap or not to soap?

According to this information, we should not be using soap on our skin, because it strips the natural oil from it.  This is true, if you're using commercial soaps.  I used to have a bad rash on my lower legs, and needed to use moisturiser on them every day.   But I have been using my own home made soaps for 12 years now, and haven't had a rash in all that time.  Commercial soaps have the glycerine stripped out of them, but home made soaps still have it in.  Also, if you make your own soaps, you can use extra fats or oils to make them less drying. 

I agree, unless you're a mechanic, gardener, or grubby little kid, you really don't need to use soap.  But there's something luxurious about the feel of a rich, creamy personally created bar of soap, so I'll be lathering up for a long time to come.

Here are some of my fancy "cute as a button" soaps.

Politically incorrect jokes

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started... 

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

The importance of walking

Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home

at $4,000 per month.

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old and we have no idea where the hell he is.

I like long walks,especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing...
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
  The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say,

'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'

We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Watermelon carving

What a shame to go to all that trouble for just a few hours.

Thank goodness for photography!

"A cage is a cage, even if the bars are gold."

Indian poet Vallathol Narayana Menon

 

Remembering September 11, 2001

Do you remember where you were when you heard about the twin towers being hit?   I was watching "Rove", they'd just gone to an ad, and said they were previewing a movie after the ad.   When the footage of the tower smoking came on, I thought it was from the movie.   Then a plane flew into the other tower, and there was an announcement about what was happening.  It gave me goosebumps, thinking about what was happening, and that I was actually seeing it as it happened!

Germs

I remember when my daughter was small, we bought her an icecream from Mr Whippy.  She took one lick, then held it down for her dog to have a lick.  She was quite happy to share with him, but Mr Whippy must have thought that wasn't a good thing, because he gave her another icecream for free! 

She certainly was a little cutie!

More classy autographs

A little birdie, flying high

   dropped his message from the sky

As I wiped it from my eye

   I thanked the Lord that cows don't fly.

Little fly upon the wall

Ain't you got no clothes at all?

Ain't you got a blouse and skirt?

Ain't you got a shimmy shirt?

Ain't you cold?



Some more of my soaps

I like to experiment with my soap making, so here are a few of my "cakes" of soap.

Quotes on old age

• "Birthdays are good for you.  Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest".       Larry Lorenzoni
• "When friends pressed her to have a walking stick, Princess Alice reluctantly agreed, but she had it disguised as an umbrella".       R.W. Apple
• "Growing old is something you do if you're lucky".   Groucho Marx
• "There are three signs of old age: loss of memory . . . I forget the other two".    Red Skelton
• "You know you're getting old when you feel like the morning after the night before, and you haven't even been anywhere".   Milton Berle

Golden Orb spider

This is my friend Goldie, who lived in my front garden for most of last summer.  Even with all the birds we have around here, she managed to survive until some teenage relatives visited, and decided to kill her.  They didn't understand some people don't think of all spiders as "bad".

Nothing is eternal, not even problems.



Edible playdough

I found this recipe on the internet about 10 years ago.  I have never tried it, because it looks kind of "icky".  Imagine the sticky mess all over the kids and table.
1 cup peanut butter
1 cup honey
2 cups powdered milk
Mix together and add more powdered milk
  if necessary to make a firm dough. 
It's safe to eat, and doesn't harden.

It may be safe to eat, but I reckon there'd be a few belly aches it they ate too much of it.


Quotes about women

• "I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me".    Sigmund Freud
• "My wife and I were happy for twenty years.  Then we met".    Henny Youngman
• "You know what I did before I was married?  Anything I wanted to".   Anon
• "There's a way of transferring funds that even faster than electronic banking.  It's called marriage".   Sam Kinison
• "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.  We take time to go to a restaurant twice a week for a candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing.  She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays".  Anon

This photo of my grandparents is probably over 80 years old.

I have no idea why she's on the bike, and he's in the sidecar!

Home delivery

When my two youngest children were preschoolers, I used to earn some extra cash by delivering pamphlets while pushing the kiddies in their stroller.   One morning my daughter asked "Can we deliver pikelets today, Mum?"



Such a little cutie - love the hairdo

Safety first

When my son was four years old, he was interested in cars.  He knew our windscreen was safe from rock hits because it had been "lemonaded".

Here he is helping to paint the walls of the cubby house.

Most people refuse to face the face that play is just as exhausting as work.



Asher & Daniel

This is the view I had as I backed out of the driveway after visiting my grandsons.

Charming little chaps, aren't they!

Some questions for you

1. How happy is Larry?
2. How high is a kite?
3. How thick are two short planks?
4. And just how many sandwiches are there in a picnic?

An "olden days" recipe

And very healthy it is, too!

Coffee Marshmallow
14 marshmallows
Cup hot strong black coffee
1 pint whipped cream

Melt marshmallows in coffee.  When cold, fold in cream.  Place in refrigerator until cold.

Sounds yummy.  I might have to make this sooner rather than later.

A stereotypical seagull

This chip-eating seagull was walking down the footpath in front of me when I was in Denmark recently.   I managed to get out my camera and get this shot of him at a perfect angle. 

Quotes re old age

"Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese".   Billie Burke

"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?"    Satchel Paige

"It is better to be 70 years young than 40 years old".    Oliver Wendell Holmes

And finally, for those of you with a musical bent . . . .

. . . a metro-gnome

If you have integrity, nothing else matters.  I you don't have integrity, nothing else matters.