Monday, 18 April 2011

More 1950's Autographs

I called on my sweetheart, her name was Miss Brown
She was having a bath so she couldn't come down.
I said "Slip on something, come down in a jiff"
She slipped on the soap and by gee she came quick.

Little dog
Busy street
Big lorry
Sausage meat

Not every man can be a poet
Not every sheep can be a goet

Such literary talent is unbelievable!

Definition of an intellectual

Someone who can listen to the "William Tell Overture" without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

From emails

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.
  • I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull.
  • My headlights are out of focus.
  • My traction is not as graceful as it once was.
  • I slip and slide and bump into things even in the best of weather.
  • My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
  • It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
  • But here's the worst of it - almost every time I sneeze or cough, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires! 
More mangled English

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for next day.  During that time we regret you will be unbearable.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates:  If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the tap in a washroom in Finland:
To stop the drip, turn cock to right.

How many?

Apparently there are 92 English words that can be made from the letters in planets.  I've been trying on and off for six days, and so far I've come up with 76.  I've figured out they aren't counting plurals, because there would be a lot more than 92 if the words I've found that can be pluraled were pluraled (is that a word?)

Another recipe

Here is an icecream recipe from this very old recipe book.  It's a beautiful creamy icecream, not like that white stuff you buy at the supermarket.  It's well worth the effort if you love icecream.

Aussie Ice Cream
1 oz cornflour
1 pint milk
4 ozs sugar
2 eggs
1/2 pint whipped cream

Blend the cornflour with a small quantity of the milk till smooth, then add the rest and put it into a saucepan with the sugar.  Boil for three minutes, stirring all the time.  Take it off the fire, add the yolks of eggs and then cook gently for a moment.  Let this cool, stir in the whipped cream and the whites of eggs stiffly beaten. 

I made the icecream, then used some of it to make this Icecream Soap. 

Aussie Ice Cream and my original icecream soap

My published "works"

For the past forty-five or so years, I have been sending letters and photos in to magazines.  Some have been printed - and paid for - a lot more haven't.  Here are a couple of the early ones.

My son, aged 3, was thrilled with his coloured potato - potato and pumpkin mashed together.  But when he asked for a second helping, he asked:  "Could I have it blue this time, please?"

My sister-in-law was amazed to find me ironing on an extremely hot day, but when I was able to relax in the cool of the evening, she was doing her ironing, and still feeling hot.  Which of us is crazy?

This one is from thirty years ago.
I have five children, one working, one at high school, one at primary school, one at kindy, and one at home.  Their ages are 16, 14, 9, 3 and 2.

Follow your dream - unless it's the one where you're at work in your undies during a fire drill!

1 comment:

  1. "In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions."

    Probably not the best phrasing they could have used but definitely great for making you smile. :P

    I think a lot of "bad translations" just happen as the result of not being familiar with colloquialisms and the rest of it. It isn't as though this sign is gibberish or any of the words used are wrong, it's just too literal.

    I suppose that's why you have to bring in professional translation companies if you want to be 100% sure that you're saying what you think you are. That said, it isn't as though signs like this are causing any harm.