Learning to drive

This is what my then boyfriend's car looked like the first day he taught me to drive!  We'd just come back from the police station where we organised my learner's permit.   I turned into his driveway, and didn't straighten up in time.
The fence didn't look too good, either.

I didn't learn to drive at that time in my life, not because I knocked down his family's fence, but because shortly after I got my permit, my boyfriend bought himself an MG sports car.  If you're 5ft2in, (156cm), and you've ever tried to drive an MG sportscar, you'll understand why I didn't continue my driving lessons.
I eventually learned in a Datsun 180b, taught by a friend.

Recipe

Mum's Russian toffee
1kg white sugar
1 cup water
125g butter (not margarine)
1 tin condensed milk

Boil all together about 30 minutes, stirring all the while to prevent burning.  Pour into a greased tray.  Cut into squares before completely set.

Did you know?

Dizzy Gillespie liked the way his trumpet sounded after he dropped it, so he kept it bent that way from then on.

An orchidometer is an instrument to measure the size of testicles.

Midori is the Japanese word for green.  Midori the drink was invented in Japan.

Cyanide was named after the colour cyan, which means blue. 


Words from my Grandma

When asked "Why", she would reply "Because y's a crooked letter, and can't be straightened".

When asked how old she was, "As old as my tongue, and a little bit older than my teeth".

Watching TV

Yes, he is a male cat!

Common sense is in spite of, not the result of, education.  Victor Hugo

The Jam Jar and Coffee

A professor stood before his class, picked up a large jam jar, and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.  He then asked the students if the jar was full.  They said it was.
Then the professor picked up a box of pebbles, poured them into the jar, and shook the jar gently.  The pebbles rolled into the open spaces between the golf balls.  He asked again if the students thought the jar was full.  Again they said it was.
Next the professor emptied a box of sand into the jar.  Of course, the sand filled up all the empty spaces, and the students all agreed that it was now definitely full.
When the professor poured 2 cups of coffe into the jar, wetting the sand, and not overflowing, the students laughed.
The professor then explained the meaning of the jam jar.
"The golf balls are the important things - your family, your health, your friends, your favourite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car.
"The sand is everything else - the small stuff.  If you put the sand in first, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.  The same goes for life.  If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you."
One of the students raised her hand, and enquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled.  "I'm glad you asked.  It just goes to show that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Progress

Progress has it's drawbacks.  You can't warm your feet on a microwave oven!

More effort is put into helping people reach old age than into helping them enjoy it when they get there.

I have no idea what this tree is, and I've only ever seen it once.

It's growing at the Nornalup Teahouse in Western Australia. 

This is another view of the Nornalup flowers

Some more of my "published works"

Master eight was playing with globes and batteries, and apparently decided the power point would lend assistance.  He received quite a shock.  After he'd calmed down, I asked him what the shock had felt like.  He replied:  "I felt just like a crinkle-cut chip".

When my teenage daughter asked me to cut a couple of centimetres off her hair, my son said with concern:  "You'd better be careful.  Mum's not metric".

My husband was planning to watch a movie on his small TV.  When he found out the movie was in black and white, he decided against it - even though his TV set was not colour.

Some people hear voices.  Some see invisible people.

Others have no imagination whatsoever.

Mother's Day

Kids say the darndest things.  Here are a few comments from kids about their mothers.

God made mums because they're the only ones who know where
 the sticky tape is.
God made mothers with magic, plus super powers, and a lot of stirring.
Mothers are made out of clouds and angel hair, and everything nice in the world, and one dab of mean.
What kind of little girl was your Mum?    They say she used to be nice.
Mum's the boss at our house, because she has a lot more to do than Dad.
My Mum is perfect on the inside, but outside, she could do with some kind of plastic surgery.
One thing I would change about my Mum is, she has this weird thing about keeping my room clean.  I'd get rid of that.

Me with my Mum, many years ago.

Recycling

Recycled milk containers can be made into plant pots, buckets, pegs and carpet.
To make one tonne of paper, 17 trees have to be cut down.
Recycling a pile of newspapers one metre high saves one tree.
One AA battery can contaminate one cubic metre of land.

Another one of my poems

Many years ago, I decided to do a correspondence course in maths.  I over estimated my ability, so sadly I had to give up the course.  This is the message I sent to the tutor when I resigned.

Resignation
Thankyou for your patience, for trying to explain.
I've tried to solve your problems, and tried them all again.
(I've over estimated the powers of my brain)

I though that I could handle the algebra and such
But when I tried to conquer, I found they were too much.
There is no practical use for mathmatics in my life
So really they are just not worth the trouble and the strife.

I guess I'm not maths-minded, it really isn't me
I'll never be a genius flogging Cadbury's on TV.
I'll have to give in sadly, I must admit defeat
and try an easier subject, one my brain can beat.
                                                  Suzanne Brenzi


Interesting comments

1. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were!
2. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember the Fire Department uses water.
3. Light travels faster than sound.  This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
5. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Did you know?

• Panama hats originated in Ecuador.
• Indian ink originated in China.
• The Roman goddess of sorcery and witchcraft was called Trivia.
• The words orange, silver and month have no rhymes in the English language.
• Paul McCartney's younger brother Peter, known as Mike McGear, was a member of the band The Scaffold, of Lily the Pink fame. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scaffold  

Another one of my soaps

There is no way to peace, peace IS the way