My Dad

This photo was taken over 85 years ago.   My Dad is listening to a crystal set.  He's always loved music, and worked as a musician for many years in dance bands, and a symphony orchestra, playing the flute. 

Quotes

1. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.   anon
2. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.   anon
3. One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.                          Plato  348BC
4. Airplanes are interesting toys, but will be of no military value.  General Ferdinand Foch, before WW1

Short Short

The Deception

Samantha moved quietly and cautiously into the room.  If she was caught, the deception would be over, and he'd never trust anything she said again.  She gingerly felt for the small object, careful not to disturb the sleeping David.  As her fingers touched her target, she removed it deftly, and replaced it with the cash.  Creeping quietly back out of the room, she silently cursed whoever it was who invented the tooth fairy.

 Cooking Hints from "The Olden Days"

• Lettuces will keep fresh for several days if placed in a tin billy with the lid on.
• The antidote for too much salt is brown sugar.
• A teaspoon of coffee essence added to a fruit cake darkens the cake, and improves the flavour.
• Prunes are much improved by adding a few cloves and a little lemon juice.
• If milk is on the turn it can often be saved by adding a pinch of bicarb. soda; bring it rapidly to the boil.  Do not use an aliminium saucepan.

Another of my published letters

When my son bought a used car from one of his teachers, the fuel gauge was working backwards - it showed E when it was full, and F when it was empty.  The teacher, being an intelligent and also inventive man, told my son that the E was for 'enough', and the F was for 'finished'.  Pretty smart, I thought.

Close up and personal

When I bought my digital camera, I specifically wanted something with a good macro function.   I've always liked looking at closeup photos of plants and insects, and wanted to take some personal photos of my own.

I think this moth is a good example of what I was looking for, and I was very pleased with the way it turned out.

Don't wait!!   Procrastinate Now!

Two of the locals

I spotted these two while I was driving a couple of blocks from home.   They actually stayed there looking at me while I stopped the car, fished around in my bag for my camera, and took the photo.

Perfect Hug Recipe

Ingredients:
2 people            A touch of love
4 arms               A pinch of humour
2 hearts             A sprinkle of glee

Directions:
Extend arms and wrap them around each other.
Clear your minds, take a good look at each other, then pull yourselves together and mix well.
Serves two.

More funny headlines

• "Local High School cuts dropouts in half"
• "Cold wave linked to temperatures"
• "Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers"
• "Red tape holds up new bridges"
• "Dealers will hear new car talk at noon"

True story

We've all heard of the "nesting instinct" mother's have before the birth of a baby, but I had personal experience with this from the father's point of view.  The week before our second child was born, my husband gave his precious Studebaker car a thorough clean out, even taking out the seats and carpet to wash them, along with the floor.  The following week our daughter was born - in the car!


Men are like:

1. Laxatives.....they irritate the crap out of you.
2. Weather......nothing can be done to change them.
3. Blenders......you need one, but you're not sure why.
4. Government Bonds.....they take sooooo long to mature.
5. Mascara......they usually run at the first sign of emotion.
6. Lava lamps...fun to look at, but not very bright.

Did you know?

Bone china is made with actual bone as an ingredient.

The term "to boycott" something or someone comes from the first person it was done to - Captain Charles Boycott, of County Mayo in Ireland.

The Patron Saint of musicians is Saint Cecilia.

Nepal is the only country with a national flag that looks like two pennants.

If you multiply 111,111,111 by 111,111,111 you get 12,345,678,987,654,321

Tired Pusscat

Poor Pusscat got tired from reading, and fell asleep.

Chaos is the natural order of things.

Danger in my yard!

Being a nature buff, I was checking out this nest a bit too closely, when one of the inhabitants flew at me, and stung my thumb - twice!  I reckon it was the one that's looking at me towards the left.  It was scary, because at the time, I didn't know what these things were, and the sting was unlike anything I've ever felt.  I raced inside and took TWO antihistamines (didn't want to take any chances).  Then I had a shower, and put clean clothes on, in case I had to rush to the doctor.  (Yes, I AM a panic merchant from way back).  I did survive, with only a slight pink mark around the two sting holes in my thumb, but I'm very wary now when I go near these nests.

Two quotes from Richard Bach

"You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true.  You may have to work for it, however."

"Isn't it strange how much we know, if only we ask ourselves instead of somebody else?"

Short short

Torture

As the knife cut through the flesh, blood began oozing out.  He hadn't been expecting it, and although he didn't want to see what was happening, he couldn't look away.  He felt the nausea rising.  This was completely unexpected.  How could she do this to him?  Surely she know what he was feeling.

"Don't worry, Ben," she said, with a smile on her face as she cut into the flesh yet again.  "I'm doing this for Malcolm".

Malcolm, his best mate.  His non-vegetarian, dead animal eating mate, who liked nothing better than a big barbecued, blood oozing steak. 

Nonsense poems

I saw Peter Rowsthorn on tv one day, reciting a couple of poems.  They tickled my fancy, so I wrote them down, and here they are for you.   Thanks Peter, you're  a great poet!!

Thanks for laying the carpet, Dad

Thanks for showing us how.

But what's that lump in the middle, Dad?

And why is it going "miaow"?

Hello little pussy

Chewing on a bone

I really wish you'd eat some fish

And leave my leg alone.

Some more of my soaps

Citrus cheesecake slice.  Yes, they really are soaps.

Drink coffee - Do stupid thing faster and with more energy.

Learning to drive

This is what my then boyfriend's car looked like the first day he taught me to drive!  We'd just come back from the police station where we organised my learner's permit.   I turned into his driveway, and didn't straighten up in time.
The fence didn't look too good, either.

I didn't learn to drive at that time in my life, not because I knocked down his family's fence, but because shortly after I got my permit, my boyfriend bought himself an MG sports car.  If you're 5ft2in, (156cm), and you've ever tried to drive an MG sportscar, you'll understand why I didn't continue my driving lessons.
I eventually learned in a Datsun 180b, taught by a friend.

Recipe

Mum's Russian toffee
1kg white sugar
1 cup water
125g butter (not margarine)
1 tin condensed milk

Boil all together about 30 minutes, stirring all the while to prevent burning.  Pour into a greased tray.  Cut into squares before completely set.

Did you know?

Dizzy Gillespie liked the way his trumpet sounded after he dropped it, so he kept it bent that way from then on.

An orchidometer is an instrument to measure the size of testicles.

Midori is the Japanese word for green.  Midori the drink was invented in Japan.

Cyanide was named after the colour cyan, which means blue. 


Words from my Grandma

When asked "Why", she would reply "Because y's a crooked letter, and can't be straightened".

When asked how old she was, "As old as my tongue, and a little bit older than my teeth".

Watching TV

Yes, he is a male cat!

Common sense is in spite of, not the result of, education.  Victor Hugo

The Jam Jar and Coffee

A professor stood before his class, picked up a large jam jar, and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.  He then asked the students if the jar was full.  They said it was.
Then the professor picked up a box of pebbles, poured them into the jar, and shook the jar gently.  The pebbles rolled into the open spaces between the golf balls.  He asked again if the students thought the jar was full.  Again they said it was.
Next the professor emptied a box of sand into the jar.  Of course, the sand filled up all the empty spaces, and the students all agreed that it was now definitely full.
When the professor poured 2 cups of coffe into the jar, wetting the sand, and not overflowing, the students laughed.
The professor then explained the meaning of the jam jar.
"The golf balls are the important things - your family, your health, your friends, your favourite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car.
"The sand is everything else - the small stuff.  If you put the sand in first, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.  The same goes for life.  If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you."
One of the students raised her hand, and enquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled.  "I'm glad you asked.  It just goes to show that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Progress

Progress has it's drawbacks.  You can't warm your feet on a microwave oven!

More effort is put into helping people reach old age than into helping them enjoy it when they get there.

I have no idea what this tree is, and I've only ever seen it once.

It's growing at the Nornalup Teahouse in Western Australia. 

This is another view of the Nornalup flowers

Some more of my "published works"

Master eight was playing with globes and batteries, and apparently decided the power point would lend assistance.  He received quite a shock.  After he'd calmed down, I asked him what the shock had felt like.  He replied:  "I felt just like a crinkle-cut chip".

When my teenage daughter asked me to cut a couple of centimetres off her hair, my son said with concern:  "You'd better be careful.  Mum's not metric".

My husband was planning to watch a movie on his small TV.  When he found out the movie was in black and white, he decided against it - even though his TV set was not colour.

Some people hear voices.  Some see invisible people.

Others have no imagination whatsoever.

Mother's Day

Kids say the darndest things.  Here are a few comments from kids about their mothers.

God made mums because they're the only ones who know where
 the sticky tape is.
God made mothers with magic, plus super powers, and a lot of stirring.
Mothers are made out of clouds and angel hair, and everything nice in the world, and one dab of mean.
What kind of little girl was your Mum?    They say she used to be nice.
Mum's the boss at our house, because she has a lot more to do than Dad.
My Mum is perfect on the inside, but outside, she could do with some kind of plastic surgery.
One thing I would change about my Mum is, she has this weird thing about keeping my room clean.  I'd get rid of that.

Me with my Mum, many years ago.

Recycling

Recycled milk containers can be made into plant pots, buckets, pegs and carpet.
To make one tonne of paper, 17 trees have to be cut down.
Recycling a pile of newspapers one metre high saves one tree.
One AA battery can contaminate one cubic metre of land.

Another one of my poems

Many years ago, I decided to do a correspondence course in maths.  I over estimated my ability, so sadly I had to give up the course.  This is the message I sent to the tutor when I resigned.

Resignation
Thankyou for your patience, for trying to explain.
I've tried to solve your problems, and tried them all again.
(I've over estimated the powers of my brain)

I though that I could handle the algebra and such
But when I tried to conquer, I found they were too much.
There is no practical use for mathmatics in my life
So really they are just not worth the trouble and the strife.

I guess I'm not maths-minded, it really isn't me
I'll never be a genius flogging Cadbury's on TV.
I'll have to give in sadly, I must admit defeat
and try an easier subject, one my brain can beat.
                                                  Suzanne Brenzi


Interesting comments

1. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were!
2. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember the Fire Department uses water.
3. Light travels faster than sound.  This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
5. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Did you know?

• Panama hats originated in Ecuador.
• Indian ink originated in China.
• The Roman goddess of sorcery and witchcraft was called Trivia.
• The words orange, silver and month have no rhymes in the English language.
• Paul McCartney's younger brother Peter, known as Mike McGear, was a member of the band The Scaffold, of Lily the Pink fame. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scaffold  

Another one of my soaps

There is no way to peace, peace IS the way

Happy Easter

 The little girl on the left seems to have missed out.  I hope we shared with her.

That's me second from left, with my sister and brother, and our eggless cousin.

Some handy hints

These are taken from the Laurel Recipe Book and Household Guide, as shown in a previous post.

1. Ink stains can be removed from linen by covering with freshly-mixed mustard.  Should be left an hour then sponged out.
2. To brighten a rusted needle, push in and out of a piece of sandsoap.
3. When pram tyres wear, take them off and replace inside out.
4. Flat irons will get hotter quicker, and retain their heat longer if covered while on the stove with an inverted baking or biscuit tin.   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_(appliance)#History_of_flat_iron
5. The small brown sponges frequently found on sea beaches make effective pot cleaners for the kitchen.  Being rough in texture they remove scraps but do not scratch the surface of the pots.

Housewife's Lament

The sink is piled high full of dishes

   The rubbish bin's filled to the top

The basket is full in the laundry

   The floor needs much more than a mop

The breadbox is empty;  the ashtrays are full

   You could all sign your names in the dust

The bathroom's a mess; the kids have missed school

   (We slept in and were late for the bus)

There are toys clothes and papers all over

  How does just one family mess it?

What does a housewife do all day long?

   I decided today not to do it?

                                                by  Suzanne Brenzi

Quotes

The main advantage of being famous is when you bore people at dinner parties, they think it's their fault.

         Henry Kissinger   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Kissinger

If you can't be a good example, then you will just have to be a horrible warning.

       Catherine Aird   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catherine_Aird

No woman in my time will be Prime Minister or Foreign Secretary.

     Margaret Thatcher  1974  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Margaret_Thatcher

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

      W.C. Fields    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/W._C._Fields

Did you know?

There are ten human body parts that are only three letters long:-  eye, hip, arm, leg, ear, toe, jaw, rib, lip and gum.

Another one of my creative ventures.

The biscuits and coffee are all soap.

 Faith can move mountains,

 but you have to keep pushing while you pray.