And a Happy St Patrick's Day to you all, begorra.

Did you know?

St. Patrick was born in Britain and lived there until he was a teenager.  He went to Ireland as a Christian Missionary, after having previously been a prisoner of the Irish for six years from the age of 16.
 He is believed to have died on March 17, around 460 A.D.

A "Don't mess with old ladies" joke

Two businessmen in the centre of Perth were sitting down for a break
in their soon-to-be new shop...

As  yet, the shop wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now someone is going to walk by,
 put their face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old
woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked
"What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically,
"We're selling  ass-holes."
  Without  skipping a beat, the old dear said,
"Must be doing well...only two left!"


Travelling companion

If you look REALLY carefully, you'll see a huntsman spider on my bonnet. I'd been travelling for over an hour before he came crawling up towards the windscreen. Just after I took the photo, he went back down over the front of the bonnet. I'm having my car serviced next week, so I'd better warn the mechanics, in case he's in the motor somewhere.

A funny from the internet

 I've learned....

That the less time I have to work, the more things I get done.

Very old stuff

While sorting through a box of old stuff from my parent's house, I found this receipt from the place they stayed on their honeymoon!  I'm planning to use it for the front of a card for their anniversary next month.  They were married on Friday 13th April, and the 13th is a Friday again this year.

 

A St Patrick's Day riddle

What did the Irishman say when he walked into the bar?    "Ouch!"

Better late than never.

Quotes on aging

"When we were young, you made me blush,

go hot and cold and turn to mush.

I still feel all these things, it's true -

but is it menopause, or you?"     anon

"By the time you reach my age, you've made plenty of mistakes

 if you've lived your life properly."     Ronald Reagan, 76

"To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. 

 She can't wait to disprove it."    Cary Grant  72

A visitor in our garden

We often have carpet pythons drop in to visit.  This was the latest.



A great website for exercising your laughter muscles

The Funny Farm

One of the jokes from the Funny Farm site.

Short shorts

Unplanned
Mark was stunned.  Beth had just told him she was pregnant. At her age!  And he was only 17.  His life was ruined.  What would his mates say?  Of course it was unplanned.  He stormed out of the house, and went for a long walk to get his mind around the idea.  When he returned, he apologised to Beth, and said it probably wouldn't be too bad at all having a baby brother or sister.

The intruder
They heard the noise first; then they saw the shadowy figure in the doorway.  It almost filled the door space.  As they looked at each other, Thomas whispered "Do I see what I think I see?"  Clair nodded, afraid to make a sound.  Thomas rose carefully from his chair, walking reluctantly towards the door.  As he did so, he turned towards Claire, saying "I'll walk Neddy back to the stable and make sure his door is properly closed."


And last but not least:

My latest soaps, influenced by my little dog's marking.  I call them "Pepper's Patch".

From our garden

I've heard of a couch potato, but a mouse potato?  Or is it a potato mouse?  My husband dug this little spud up with the rest of his crop, but luckily the others were all normal. 

An anagram puzzle for you

Seen alive? Sorry pal.

Answer at the bottom of the blog.

Sign in a shoeshop window

"Buy one, get one free"

While we're on footwear,  I knitted myself a pair of socks recently.  Never done it before, on four needles.  The first one was great, after I fixed up a problem with the heel turning being at the top of the sock instead of the sole.  So I made another, measured umpteen times, with tape measure, and against the other sock.  Put them together when it was finished, and the second one is about a cm shorter in the foot than the first one! 

Fortunately, my right foot is about half a centimetre shorter than my left, and the knitting has a bit of stretch in it, anyway.

Quotes on old age

"At age 20, we worry about what other people think of us; at 40 we don't care what they think of us; at 60 we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all".                        Bob Hope

"I refuse to go on that Grumpy Old Men programme, because if I go on, I'll be grumpy about grumpy old men".                             

Stephen Fry

"During much of my life, I was anxious to be what someone else wanted me to be.  Now I have given up that struggle.  I am what I am".

Elizabeth Coatsworth

Interesting!!

These photos were posted on facebook recently.

Of course, I'm sure Nigella doesn't look that gorgeous first thing in the morning, when she's just got out of bed, and I'm sure the other woman could look better with makeup and a professional hairdo, but I still know who I'd rather look like.

Answer to the anagram

Elvis Presley

A Joke

Chicken Surprise
A couple went for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and ordered "Chicken Surprise".  The waiter brought the meal, served in a covered pot.  Suddenly, the pot lid raises a little, and two beady eyes look around before the lid closes.   "Did you see that?"  the wife asked her husband.  Just then it happened again.  Up came the lid, out came two beady eyes, and down went the lid again.   The husband called the waiter over to ask for an explanation.
"Please sir", said the waiter.   "What did you order?" 
"Chicken Surprise" replied the husband.
"AH!  So sorry" said the waiter.  "My mistake.  I bring you Peeking Duck".


Short Short

Sweet Tooth
The familiar feeling washed over me - raised hairs on the back of my neck, and a pounding heart.  The thought of a filling always affected me this way.  There he was in his white coat, manoeuvring the trolley closer and closer.
"Which do you prefer, Madam", he asked, "strawberry or chocolate filling in your cake?"


Thanks Iggy

Wow, did we have some rain last night!   Thanks to declining cyclone Iggy, we had 87ml from around 4pm yesterday, until sometime early this morning.  I couldn't believe my eyes when I went out to check the rain gauge this morning.   It's ironic, and so unfair, that we should be so desperate for rain, when the east coast (of Australia) is in such a mess from too much rain.

I had to take a photo of the rain gauge, as I've never seen it this full before,

and probably never will again.

A couple of quotes

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new".

     Albert Einstein              

"How many legs on a dog if you call the tail a leg? 

Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg".                                            

    Abraham Lincoln     

Did you know?

The average soccer ball is made of 32 leather panels, held together by 642 stitches.

And while we're on soccer, here's an interesting anagram for you. 

Bravo! Victim and a dickhead.

Answer at the bottom of the page.

Local Wildlife

We have countless insects around where we live, and although we've been here 10 years, we're always finding something new. 

My husband found this beautiful "Jewel Beetle" a few weeks ago.

Anagram solution - David and Victoria Beckham

    

Don't blame me for that, I just found it in a puzzle magazine!

        



* Happy New Year *

My 2011 in brief

I promised myself this time last year that I'd catch up with old friends.  I managed to catch up with four of them.   Hopefully I'll add more this year.

In January I made my first yoghurt.  It wasn't bad, but did have a slight burnt taste from burning the milk as I scalded it.

In June a young chap driving a Woollies grocery delivery van managed to find his way up our firebreak, getting himself bogged!   He was supposed to be delivering to the property across the road!

Pepper reckons he could dig it out!

In July I finally made a decent batch of Lemon Butter.  I've tried before, but never had any luck, but this time I got it right.

In September my debit card was hacked.  Fortunately, I always keep the balance low, and there wasn't enough in it for the amount the hackers wanted. 

In October I made some hyperbolic crochet balls! 

They're easier than they look.  You make a small chain loop, then just keep crocheting 2 stitches in each stitch, until it's as large as you want it.

Also in October I came equal first in a soap competition on Melt and Pour Soap Crafters facebook page.  My prize was to have my soap photo as profile pic for 2 weeks, and also two lovely soap moulds from Bebe moulds.   

These soaps were made with one of the moulds I won.

In December we had a thunderstorm one lunchtime which really shook us up.  There was a huge cracking sound, and Sootie wasn't the only one terrified!  Turns out our phone, which was about 3 feet from where Eddie was sitting, was zapped.

Needless to say, the phone doesn't work any more!

Although Sootie is terrified of thunder,

Pepper reckons it's just one more thing to see off. 

With every clap, he runs outside and barks at the sky.







Merry Christmas to you all

1980's Christmas photo.

Bit of a dodgy beard there, Santa!

Christmas Quotes

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Dave Barry

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Johnny Carson

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Bernard Manning

There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas.
Robert Wilson Lynd

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
Shirley Temple

Christmas Tree Soaps

Happy New Year everyone.   See you next year!



Related to Murphy's Law

1. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
2. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
3. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. 
4. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
5. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
6. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

Losing Weight

I wondered why my clothes weren't fitting properly lately.  Turns out I've gained 3kg in the last couple of months!   Guess I need to take this advice.

The Irish Genius

Paddy wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little maths test. 

    "Here is your first question", the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

    "Without numbers?" Paddy says? "Dat's easy." And proceeds to draw three trees.

    "What's this?" the boss asks.

    "Have you no brain? Tree and tree plus tree makes 9" says Paddy.

    "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

Paddy stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree.

    "Ere ye go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

    "Each of them trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire Paddy, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

Paddy stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere ye go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

Paddy leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and whispers, "A little dog came along and pooped by each tree.
So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes ONE HUNDRED!"

Paddy is the new supervisor.


Visitor in our garden

This friendly froggie was found by my husband in our back yard recently.